The 4th of July

I awoke to dull, musky gray clouds covering the sky. July had just begun. After eating, showering, and mentally preparing myself, I popped 5 hits of double dipped, grateful dead quality acid. I got in my car, and drove to meet my friend, whom we will call him Jaguar. He had also taken the same amount of acid from the same sheet. I brought my backpack full of supplies.. including my laptop, mp3 player, incense, and a bottle full of jack daniels. We went to the typical place, the elementary school in town. But nothing could prepare me for the journey that day. Once you hit a certain point of strength with acid, material objects become completely worthless. In fact, they become a hindrance, which I will get into on a deeper level when I talk about my trip to Harvest Fest.

Back to the story though... Jag and I went to a local diner for breakfast first. We ordered orange juice (obviously) and eggs. However, almost immediately after ordering... I felt an extremely quick jolt to my consciousness. It felt like the equivalent of being hit unsuspectedly by a baseball bat straight to my temple. The wooden grains of the table started shifting. My orange juice started swirling as if it were a whirlpool. Jag poured cream into his coffee, and I could tell it had hit him as well.

We both stared at the coffee in an awestruck paralysis, unable to look away. The cream was being slowly absorbed into the coffee, indefinitely changing the texture, smell, and color. We looked at each other and knew: We had to leave ASAP. So we did a "dine and dash" without the dining. I felt like I was climaxing on a 2 hit trip after only about 20 minutes. This was going to be intense. We drove over to the playground, got out, unloaded, and sat in the grass. I put on some Red Hot Chilli Peppers in the background, and began wandering. Slowly my vision became brighter and brighter, and by this I mean in terms of the contrast on a computer monitor.

I remember going to climb up the slide, and feeling as if my body was shooting into the stratosphere. That was my last semi-comprehensible thought. I then returned to the grassy knoll that I had started on, and watched grass grow. I watched the ants move in perfect unison underneath my legs. I sympathetically took part in their struggle for survival. It was similar to that of a squad of delta force. Everyone had a role, no one more important than the other. The survival of all depended on all. No one quit. No on turned back. It was absolute. Ah, the life of an ant.

I lay down after this thrilling moment and gazed through the tree above me. I could taste the tree, and I knew, instinctively, what kind of tree it was purely from the taste. I went to take a sip of the jack daniels. I could feel it slide down my throat. I knew I was drinking. Yet, I could not taste all of it. It came in pieces. 10 minutes later I tasted another portion of the alcohol, and this continued on for about an hour. Next, I realized Jag was off and walking about. So, naturally, I followed suit. However, we walked in exactly symmetrical figure 8's at different speeds. When I wanted to talk to him about something, he would just say it. He brought up my thoughts in conversation, milliseconds before I could utter them. We separated when I felt scared or threatened by this, and returned together at the exact time I felt fine. All the while in our strange figure 8 pattern.

And then, it started to rain.... The drops fell in a slow, steady downward spiral like dance. I got all of my electronic together, and we retreated to the car. I put on techno, soft, smooth techno. Jag left, he had family things to do. I wished him luck. As he walked away, my eyes turned to the windshield. I could see individual rain drops splatter onto the surface, shatter into millions of pieces, and then recrystallize into a solid, diamond like structure (diamond in terms of crystalline appearance, not geometrical shape). My vision had reached a new high, something far beyond the previous HD I had been used to. It was virtual reality within reality. My vision was at an incredibly slow fps (frames per second) with an incredibly high clarity unlike anything I have ever seen.

The rain had almost stopped, when an elderly woman in a full pink windbreaker came over to my car from seemingly nowhere. She said, "The lips of the master are sealed to the ear of the unworthy. Ask, and so you shall receive." and walked off into the distance, disappearing before leaving my sight. I walked around for a little bit, slightly shaken by the old woman. Who was she? What could she mean? I felt something change. My fear had been unleashed, the horrific beast from which I usually shield myself.

I became locked in a portal dimension where time ceased to move. For what seemed days, I truly "tripped out". I imagined myself repeat the same scene, over and over. My mind had fried. I could no longer decipher realities. I was caught in between. I kept reaching into my pocket only to realize that I couldn't stop. My body twitched uncontrollably. Synapses were firing out of order, giving me charred thoughts. Thoughts that still came out, but were incomprehensible even to me. Pain gripped my entire body. I kept repeating the same moment, but it just got progressively worse and worse. I tried to fight with every ounce of mental and physical strength I had, but nothing helped. It was like some sort of strange, spiritual quicksand. The more I struggled, the worse off I was.

Then, all of a sudden, one clear and distinct thought occupied my mind. It was a thought or perhaps even a message from a zen master. I can't quite remember the wording, but I'll do my best. "Strive to live as though you are dead. Separate the mind from the body, embrace a physical death." The words echoed throughout my body, striking my soul with a sharply distinct precision. It wasn't necessarily anything new to me, for I had studied Buddhism, Taoism, and the like. This time though, this time I fully understood the words. There was no time. There was no sound, no light, no movement. I cut off all connection to my physical body, and in that one moment, I felt a euphoric joy unlike anything I could have ever imagined. Nothing even comes close to this, not true love, not adrenaline from skydiving, not even the childlike joy I get from acid. Nothing. And it was over. I returned to my car and attempted to drive home.

Surprisingly, it wasn't that hard. I had learned control. No, let me rephrase that: I was given control, granted control if you will. I layed in my bed, thinking about what had happened. I wasn't upset, but I wasn't completely at peace either. Had I narrowly escaped something far worse than death this day? Had I actually died? How far do the lines of reality go before I cross over? How far can I truly push the envelope? I could only come to one conclusion: No one was meant to go through this. No one, because no one else would want to. They would not accept the challenge, they wouldn't appreciate the experience. I was in awe.

For the remainder of the trip, I just lay there in my bed, thinking. Going over, millions of times, exactly what had happened to me. Thinking that somehow, if I thought about it enough, I could invalidate it. I could remember what really happened. Probably something along the lines of me curling up in a ball, shivering uncontrollably in the parking lot, then getting up and driving home. But where had the years I spent trapped in exile gone? The pain. The pain was the hardest thing to ignore. I took a nice, relaxing hot shower. Warm water always help me center myself. It's natural flow synthesizes with my soul. I then proceeded to take a warm washcloth and drape it over my eyes.

I then zoned out, listening to music in a dreamlike state until eventually passing out.

-Vicarious

A trip with Rainman

The night started off fairly normal, just hanging out and playing video games. I ingested the hit around 11 pm. Once 12 rolled around, I could feel the tingling sensation creeping up my spinal column. There was a lemony taste in my mouth, and my vision had started the process of upgrading to high-definition. It seemed so long ago since my last experience, yet, at the same time, it seemed as if I had truly never stopped. This state of existence, being caught between what seemed to be a time warp, where two possibilities just so happened to have collided, was incredible. The level of detachment from the self was both humbling and terrifying. I noticed myself seeming to be immune from the cruel flow of time. Thoughts raced through my head at lightning quick speeds. Everything seemed so much simpler, yet so much more complex. My level of understanding had just been given a booster shot, and I could feel myself start floating off into clouds of ecstasy. I couldn’t find the light switch, so I opened the fridge for light.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Cheebo's collection of legos. Being Rainman's younger brother, he had amassed quite a collection, surely from hand-me-downs over the years. Immediately I was reminded of much brighter days, days of fully innocent joy and trust. Days when there was not a care in the world, just infinite possibilities and an unbound imagination. Naturally, I began to play with the legos. Once again I was God, master of my own universe, and I truly cared about this counterfeit universe. It had inhabitants. They had names, friends, feelings. They were generaly well-mannered, peaceful, and morally just (if a meaning for that can truly ever be agreed upon).

Yet, a malevolent force threatened their existence; a power thirsty, completely bogus english teacher we will call BS. The innocent lego people needed a hero. BS was destroying all of their possessions one by one. I, of course, provided the sound effects. Then, my eye spotted a Goku figurine laying by the heater. What luck, the perfect hero for the noble lego people. BS and Goku fought, for what seemed hours, over a prized possession of the lego people's universe: a talisman of power. It was a flaming blood-red sword, buried beneath the multicolored sands of time (in actualiity, it was a bionicle sword stuck in one of those colorful "sand in a jar" things).

The battle raged for what seemed days, neither fighter giving an inch. As a just God, I decided there was only one thing to do: remove the talisman of power, forever crushing the noble lego peoples hope of transcending into our realm, but forever protect them from the evil BS. In the midst of this, Guy, Rainman's dad, came downstairs. He looked at me oddly, and went over to close the fridge. He spoke to me, as I made sound effects for the lego people... saying "I'm going to close the fridge.. things might defrost.. the light is over here..... there you go." He left.

This temporarily brought me back to the "real world". I made my way to the computer, and attempted to play "Feel Good Inc" by Gorillaz. Itunes denied my request, though I would defeat the evil empire in time.

I then somehow got into a panic. I felt intense pressure building around my heart and pass through my entire body. Pain entrenched my veins, I could barely stand. My heart was racing. I could feel its beat frenzy my body with every passing second. I started to think I would die in that moment. I could not accept this. It simply wasn't going to end there. I pushed myself, dug in deep, and tried to fight it. I kept telling myself "You're tripping, its been chemically proven that there are NO negative physical side effects.. you are only scaring yourself into this. Get a grip." Slowly I began to feel better. The pressure was replaced by an intense feeling of tranquility and joy.

Next, I would get some food to help calm me down more. Jello was my food of choice. I ate it in a primal fashion, with my fingers, grunting like a caveman with each bite. My hands were covered in blood (red dye from the jello) and I have never felt more animalistic/barbaric in nature than in that moment. My thoughts returned to music, and I got "Feel Good Inc" to play. The music jumped out of the computer screen in waves. I could feel and see the vibrations colliding with my soul. It was utterly beautiful in every sense of the word. After the song ended, I remembered the lego people.

I ran into Rainman's bedroom, woke him from a dead sleep, and started mumbling, almost incoherently "guard the talisman... don’t let BS get it, Goku might have failed". For I could not hold on to such a sacred object of the lego people. I was too close to the matter, I might give it back so that they could once again transcend. Only an objective viewpoint could save the lego people. It had to be done.

Then, Rainman set up Charlie and the Chocolate factory for me to watch. I sat on his couch. It felt like a cloud. I was weightless, floating in space. I cared not for the movie, there were fireworks of a whole different kind going on around and within me. There I lay, for the remained of the trip. The movie repeated itself over and over it seemed, but my mind was blown. I had transcended into a higher dimension of reality. I meditated, and thought on everything from quantum physics to moral ethics.

I then cleansed myself, envisioning my body in the astral plane. I was being washed with some sort of "soul soap". I felt warmth creeping slowly over my entire body. It felt like the first bite out of a freshly made batch of brownies. Then, in the last moments of revelation, I farted. That passing of toxins was the single greatest feeling I had experienced in my life up to that point. I lay, in complete awe over this, for an hour. My legs were suspended in mid air, twirling about frantically to some kind of rhythm. The trip was ending. I could feel my slow, gradual re-assimilation into reality. I grew melancholy, and gazed into the fish tank with a twinge of sadness and despair. For it was then I realized that I was the fish, I had come so close to freedom that night.; to escaping my prison, my tank. Yet, I had come to realize, that I too was trapped.
I am a fish.
....and that was my final thought before I fell asleep.

-Vicarious

Where to start? So many memories...

Well, this is going to be my official journal of "trips", with acid being the main hallucinogen of choice. So far, I have tripped 159 times on acid alone, with the max dose being 20 at once. Now, I do not abuse this substance, nor do it purely for "fun". To me, it is religious. It is used as a spiritual medium, to transcend the typical human experience and enter the realm of... something higher. It is used for healing and growth. It is a test of the highest order, from all aspects; mental, physical, and spiritual.
Although it is quite literally impossible to describe an acid trip accurately without direct first-hand experience, I will certainly do my best. These pathetic creations of man, these "words", I will tell you now, do absolutely no justice to these experiences what-so-ever. It is, however, the only thing I have to work with. Now, without further adieu, here they are, in no particular order.

-Vicarious