First trip in New Territory

The day started based solely on impulse, as the majority of my decisions seem to made in accordance with. In the last remaining hours of daylight I started by secluding myself in the dorm. Slowly but surely the drug started taking effect. After my roommate and I finished playing with nerf guns, I decided I'd order pizza since he had bought lunch. After eating a shit load of pizza wings, we watched family guy for the next hour. Slowly but surely the trip started to creep up on me. I noticed the visualization program I had for windows become more and more intense. I played with the boohbah zone games for a while, then became very lethargic.

Now, this point should be taken into great consideration. For the past 3 trips my senses have started out stagnated and dull as opposed to the typical highly stimulated and aware state of mind I'm so used to. Anyway, I remembered that when I wander, it seems to fix itself. So, I decided to go outside.

The night couldn't have been more perfect. A dense mist was in the air, and the lights shone through with pale, star-like auras. All the trees around campus seemed so majestic. The water drops from a light rainstorm glistened with a radiant beauty, acting as a prism for the light around. The colors all broke down and refracted off at different angles, angles that I could catch as I walked by.

My two good friends happened to have found me, so I hung out with them for a bit. Then my roommate came out, and we walked back to the dorm. I wasn't ready though. Instead, I wandered off into the night. What I found was an incredibly large tree, probably at least 4 or 5 times my size around the trunk alone. I had walked by it countless times for the past 3 months, never noticing it. So, naturally, I climbed into the tree. This was quite a chore, considering the tree was slippery from rain and had very tiny crevices to hold my weight with. I got up alright, but then realized I wouldnt get any farther with the wetness hindering my progress.

Everything seemed to be going well, so I went back to the dorm to watch a movie. I left around midnight. On the way back, I felt strange. Thinking I could shake it off with a warm shower, I gathered my stuff together and went to the bathroom. This was probably the worst decision of my life to this point.

Something about that shower was horrible. I came to realize in that shower just how fucked up I really am. I realized the list of problems in my life that seem to keep growing. Suddenly everything around me seemed so confusing, not at all like my typical experience. To put it best, the red hot chilli peppers explain the feeling perfectly...

"wakin up dead inside of my head...
will never, ever do there is no med

no medicine to take

ive had a chance to be insane
asylum from the falling rain

ive had the chance to break"

The sole purpose for my using any drug is for healing, both spiritual and emotional. With LSD it's also a challenge though, a challenge of the highest order. I realized that nothing I ever do is going to help me. No drug can cure my "soul sickness". Chaos, just like the tattoo on my right arm. I got the tattoo solely on impulse, or so I thought at the moment.

Little did I realize just how chaotic my life really was to that point, nor did I ever realize how much so it still is. I've never truly faced a lot of issues from my past. I always thought it was better to forget about such things, but now I sadly realize that just isn't possible. Before I even begin to even attempt to heal, I need to face the past. And there is a fuckin shitload of it to sift through. I need to go back to New York one last time. I need to finally fucking confront the soulless whore who made me this way. I need to fucking let go of this sick, twisted hatred for the majority of humanity and my general feelings of distrust towards everyone. Most importantly, I need to fucking forgive myself for all the horrible shit I've done and seen. This is what has been building up, stagnating my senses and polluting my soul. And it needs to stop.

All in all, a very mellow trip. Mild to moderate hallucinations, a new tree of knowledge, and a lesson as always. A lesson I need to take to heart, no matter how disturbing and difficult it seems to be.

-Vicarious